Try cultivating a sense of anticipation, rather than expectation. If you expect something it’s probably going to be easier to describe. You might have a strong sense of what you think is going to happen, where, when and so on. Anticipation is a sense of remaining open, ready to act and staying involved. Anticipate better and you’ll be a lot happier.
In situations where you believe you will be treated badly look for an ally. Ideally that person will be someone who might be less easy for your abuser to do down. Someone who might be hard for that person to describe and denigrate in terms they would apply to you. If trouble happens, see if they can point it out. Then you can back them up if you like.
It’s useful to know why something is troubling. If I feel too hot I might need to move out of the sun. If I have a headache I might need a glass of water. These kinds of problem are different from psychological ones like why do I behave like this? Why did he do that to me? Pandora’s box opens the moment we begin looking for meaning in our motives, or for motives in our actions – especially ones where we don’t intend something to happen. More often than not looking for this kind of meaning is a ticket to Stucksville. (more…)
Don’t let things fizzle out. Try to keep a definite focus on the things that you do. When you finish an event, a project, a show, a party, a whatever, try to shift into something else as if you are stepping into another room. If you feel vague or anxious or what gets called ‘lazy’, take a moment to step into that new thing. You’ll carry forward the energy from whatever you’ve just done. If you need to stop something without completing it make sure you end in the middle of things: mid-sentence, feeling in mid-air. (more…)
Does your mind turn angrily to things you wish you could forget? It’s as if someone’s turned the heat up too high; a kind of friction with the past. These things seem to hang around waiting for an opportunity to get noticed. Maybe a small thing occurs and suddenly you’re back with them, all over again. (more…)
Insight and information can help you avoid repeating past ways of feeling, thinking and acting. You need to protect your capacity to think with that information, rather than to remember it. Your capacity to think freely is what will keep you safe and doing life the way you want.
Here are three things that you can do three times each day which will help prevent your body from becoming overloaded by negative intensity… worries, resentments and so on … the kinds of thing that will leave you stuck. causes a loss, sometimes a radical loss, of momentum. These three things promote positive intensity: the joy of being able to feel relaxed and thoughtful, the pleasure of being in harmony with your life, and the ability to start and stop things when you need to.
Experiment with different amounts of time for the in-breath, pause and out-breath to see what suits you most for a situation. Box breathing is something you can always turn to discreetly
Stop being taken for a ride. Go and see films specifically to explore whether staying watching them or leaving is the best option. After you leave you need to be able to tell someone why you left. How long can you stay before you’re confident the film is not going to deliver what you need? You can experiment like this with any kind of experience, really. Always hold a place for your right to leave, work out how to do this in ways that feel right for you and others (ie storming out might not be the best option – quietly departing might be instead. Do you really want to make a point? What will the effect of that be on?
Buy a tuning fork or two and sound these close to your ear for an instant experience of being present in the world, connected to something outside of you that leaves you feel grounded in yourself.