The Art of Becoming Unstuck

The Meaning of Life

Rembrandt painted many images of himself from when he was a young man until shortly before his death in his sixties. I find these some of the strangest images of a person recording himself. I wonder what it was like for him as an old man looking at how he had noticed himself in his twenties? It feels as if he discovered an answer to: what is the meaning of life?

 

Rembrandt Harmensz. van Rijn – Self-Portrait With Dishevelled Hair, 1628

He realised that it’s an answer, not a question. It’s an answer to another question: what’s the effect of life? The effect of life, an effect of life, is to drive us to look for meaning. A lot of the time this is a terrible distraction from the over-arching, and ever-dawning realisation, as life goes on, that we can know nothing at all for certain.

Life might be better served by paying attention and gathering what’s happening than breaking away to dream up explanations. Conclusions. I don’t see anything final in Rembrandt’s self portraits. There is a looking on, perhaps a looking after, in the sense of some kind of care, and there is a deep sense of presence. These are not surface pictures, even though they concentrate so profoundly on his appearance; nor do they only go deep. These are pictures from the outside and from the inside at the same time, which might also go on to suggest something to us about what life means.

Centre of the Universe

We thrive when we feel centred. However, if we are at the centre of our own little universe, as if we are the sun, how do we stand in relation to everyone around us? 

We need to feel centred and at the same time be de-centered

The feeling of being at one with ourselves doesn’t come from standing in the middle of things so that all revolves around us. It comes from inside ourselves. Our feelings always do. Feeling good or feeling bad it’s we that give ourselves our feelings. 

Love is not an extract from another person. Love is what I might feel in relation to somebody else. I might feel love and I might feel loved. Both feelings are mine. 

All love is narcissistic and narcissism can be a very good thing. Paul Federn wrote about non-pathalogical narcissim, that good ‘ego feeling’ that can hold us together. That way I might ‘feel myself’ today.

Rather than think of centred and decentred as opposite poles on the same axis what if they were simply different? They might then coexist. Their coexistence wouldn’t have to be paradoxical. 

We can imagine situations in which we ask for things. If we notice our need to feel centred and find it through being receptive to other people, balancing what we need and want with what they need and want a universe of universes might be possible. 

Pathological, bad narcissism involves people who do not acknowledge their need to feel centred. They go ahead and take the centre. If the world does not revolve around them so that the people in their lives do not behave predictably or in ways that satisfy their stellar demands, then for them something is wrong. They will do all they can to gain and remain in control.