We thrive when we feel centred. However, if we are at the centre of our own little universe, as if we are the sun, how do we stand in relation to everyone around us? 

We need to feel centred and at the same time be de-centered. 

The feeling of being at one with ourselves doesn’t come from standing in the middle of things so that all revolves around us. It comes from inside ourselves. Our feelings always do. Feeling good or feeling bad it’s we that give ourselves our feelings. 

Love is not an extract from another person. Love is what I might feel in relation to somebody else. I might feel love and I might feel loved. Both feelings are mine. 

All love is narcissistic and narcissism can be a very good thing. Paul Federn wrote about non-pathalogical narcissim, that good ‘ego feeling’ that can hold us together. That way I might ‘feel myself’ today.

Rather than think of centred and decentred as opposite poles on the same axis what if they were simply different? They might then coexist. Their coexistence wouldn’t have to be paradoxical. 

We can imagine situations in which we ask for things. If we notice our need to feel centred and find it through being receptive to other people, balancing what we need and want with what they need and want a universe of universes might be possible. 

Pathological, bad narcissism involves people who do not acknowledge their need to feel centred. They go ahead and take the centre. If the world does not revolve around them so that the people in their lives do not behave predictably or in ways that satisfy their stellar demands, then for them something is wrong. They will do all they can to gain and remain in control.