by Tom Tomaszewski | Oct 22, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
For some reason ‘gratitude’ has featured a great deal in the conversations people have brought to me. How can you feel it and express it? Twelve-step people will know why that question is so important.
You can’t artificially express gratitude. It seems to naturally occur, like laughter, unless something gets in the way of it. When there’s no gratitude there’s no joy; and when there’s no joy there’s a lack of curiosity … which usually signifies resentment. Look at what’s stopping you from feeling curious rather than try to find gratitude. You won’t find it if it isn’t there!
by Tom Tomaszewski | Sep 25, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
If you grow up around someone autistic you may find yourself being described as, or invited to think about yourself as autistic. Maybe you are. Perhaps, in the way you do life there are the signs, like footprints in the sand, of how you grew used to living with autism. We internalise the world, always attempting to make it our own.
by Tom Tomaszewski | Aug 26, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
The way that you do things is everything. If Ryan Gosling had played Ted and Keanu Reeves had played Ken I’d have loved Barbie and wouldn’t still be wishing I could watch Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure again for the first time. Such is life.
by Tom Tomaszewski | Jul 31, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
I haven’t been posting in a while because of other projects that are underway. However, that will soon change and normal service will be resumed. In the meantime here are two thoughts I have been reminded of while working recently.
- If you have been abused begin each new task you have to complete by considering what help is available. If you feel inclined not to ask for help, even if you know that it is available, think again. Old and misleading feelings that you don’t need help or that you don’t deserve it may be affecting your decision.
- While completing tasks try to hold as little in your mind as possible. In stressful situations you might be likely to forget things, confuse things, contradict yourself or say things that are not true. If you have not intended to lie and have no physical injuries or neurological problems resulting from illness your mind is probably ‘overloaded’. It can only deal with so much, so give it as little to deal with as you can. Your capacity to remember things will very likely increase if you receive help with any ongoing symptoms related to what happened to you.
by Tom Tomaszewski | Jun 2, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
Asking someone to list the pros and cons they associate with doing something is a good way to help them make a decision. It’s a method I learned while I was running therapy groups for people with addiction and dependency problems. In those groups ‘doing the next right thing’, was crucial. Everybody in the group spoke not only about bad decisions concerning drinking, drug-taking, gambling and so on but in other areas of their lives – every area.
These days I still do pros and cons lists with anybody who’s interested. They’re about more than making a balanced decision. They tell me, and they can tell you, what you think you need in life and how you go about getting it. These things may need adjusting. Try doing one with somebody else and see what you both make of it. (more…)
by Tom Tomaszewski | Jun 1, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
When your life feels stuck you need to improvise. It’s the best way of adapting to an uncompromising world in which we all have to get enough of what we need. Being stuck is to lose your sense of equilibrium. Life feels as if it’s going nowhere; as though it’s repetitive and depleting. Getting things unstuck can feel impossible, as if you’ll have to start again from scratch. However, improvisation doesn’t mean starting again. It requires momentum: it’s keeping going by doing something else; something unexpectedly connected to what’s already there. You thrive by following and embracing new ways of doing things that take you beyond ‘okay’, which have the potential for you to be somebody else, another you, your best one yet.
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