by Tom Tomaszewski | Jun 3, 2024 | ALIENATION, HESITATION
As I’ve written elsewhere, individualism is a particular problem. There has always been a group of people attached to anybody who calls themselves an individual: the artists who we admire, the leaders who we follow, or whoever. If you really want to succeed in your life; if you want to thrive, you must not overlook the social.
Frank O’Hara might never have published Lunch Poems if Lawrence Ferlinghetti hadn’t gone on asking him about lunch. Lou Reed’s Perfect Day was perhaps more Mick Ronson and David Bowie than Lou Reed. Donald Trump is a paean to everybody who has ever wanted to be an individual. And so on.
by Tom Tomaszewski | Jun 2, 2024 | FRUSTRATION, HELPLESSNESS
Don’t let things fizzle out. Try to keep a definite focus on the things that you do. When you finish an event, a project, a show, a party, a whatever, try to shift into something else as if you are stepping into another room. If you feel vague or anxious or what gets called ‘lazy’, take a moment to step into that new thing. You’ll carry forward the energy from whatever you’ve just done. If you need to stop something without completing it make sure you end in the middle of things: mid-sentence, feeling in mid-air. (more…)
by Tom Tomaszewski | Jun 2, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
Asking someone to list the pros and cons they associate with doing something is a good way to help them make a decision. It’s a method I learned while I was running therapy groups for people with addiction and dependency problems. In those groups ‘doing the next right thing’, was crucial. Everybody in the group spoke not only about bad decisions concerning drinking, drug-taking, gambling and so on but in other areas of their lives – every area.
These days I still do pros and cons lists with anybody who’s interested. They’re about more than making a balanced decision. They tell me, and they can tell you, what you think you need in life and how you go about getting it. These things may need adjusting. Try doing one with somebody else and see what you both make of it. (more…)
by Tom Tomaszewski | Jun 1, 2024 | Be Somebody Else
When your life feels stuck you need to improvise. It’s the best way of adapting to an uncompromising world in which we all have to get enough of what we need. Being stuck is to lose your sense of equilibrium. Life feels as if it’s going nowhere; as though it’s repetitive and depleting. Getting things unstuck can feel impossible, as if you’ll have to start again from scratch. However, improvisation doesn’t mean starting again. It requires momentum: it’s keeping going by doing something else; something unexpectedly connected to what’s already there. You thrive by following and embracing new ways of doing things that take you beyond ‘okay’, which have the potential for you to be somebody else, another you, your best one yet.
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by Tom Tomaszewski | May 22, 2024 | ALIENATION, FRUSTRATION
Dreams are very handy things. I often have a lot of them when I start thinking intensely about something. Don’t ignore them, don’t try to interpret them, just see where they take you as if they are a kind of a taxi. (more…)
