FRUSTRATION / CARE

Here’s a way to think about regret. The feeling we surely all have at some point about something we wished we’d done differently, or about something we wished we’d done – or not done.

This feeling can only ever be solved through understanding what your body wants. Remember, when I say ‘what your body wants’ I mean unconsciously.

In the past, at the time of the thing you think about when you feel regretful, your body wanted something. Your nervous system reached out for a feeling but it failed to find it.

You can spend the rest of your life feeling dead inside, or sleepy somehow, wishing you’d done something differently when all your body wants is to find that feeling in the future. If you feel dead inside then it’s likely it’s lost hope (don’t ask me how a body does that). If it feels sleepy then sometimes you’re coming close.

When you find this feeling your life will become more predictable. It will have continuity because you will seem more present to those around you. They won’t automatically think about asking you to do something for them because they will experience you more like a rock in a stream than a sandbank or some weed floating beneath the surface. You’ll be more there. Less interruptible. More resilient.

This is how you find the special kind of resilience called agency.

Satisfy the feeling you experience through understanding what you regret.